Have you ever found yourself knowing that you want to accomplish something in your life, but it feels like it never seems to become a reality like the way you want it to? This week I had an interesting conversation with a student. It went a little like this. The student. It always feels like I get tongue tied when I try to record my answers for the speaking section of the CELPIP exam.

Like it's hard to get my ideas. Down to my mouth and out. Somehow, between here, my head, my mind, and my mouth, and coming out into the world, it gets lost, or it gets confused, or I just get stuck. Like, I forget, it seems, everything, every single word I know in English, it just kinda gets lost. Then, I came in, and I said, that sounds super frustrating.

I wonder something, because I kind of already knew the answer. But I just wanted them to say it out loud, but I asked, I wonder how often are you putting yourself into situations where you need to use English in a conversation with someone where you don't have 30 seconds to brainstorm or think about what you're going to say before you say it like you do on the CELPIP, but you need to reply in the moment.

How often are you actually doing that? My student was very quiet for a few moments. And then, to their credit, and I give kudos to them for being honest, they answered, almost never. I don't put myself into those situations. And that, that, right there, is one of the biggest and most preventable reasons why people don't get a strong speaking score on the CELPIP.

They're not using English enough in everyday situations. Let's talk about that today.

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 Well, hello there and welcome to the Speak English Fearlessly podcast. This is the podcast for motivated English learners who want to speak English fearlessly and learn practical tips and strategies to conquer the CELPIP exam. I also love the feature encouraging interviews with regular people, people just like you, who are working towards becoming fluent in English so we can learn from their experiences together.

Who am I? My name is Aaron Nelson, and I've been an English teacher for over 16 years. And I now help students prepare for the CELPIP exam through online classes. Hey, is this your first time here?

I just want to say hello and welcome. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for stopping by. I hope that today you will sit back and relax and enjoy what we're going to be talking about. And more than anything, I hope that you take something actionable that will help you improve your life. You're English and get ready for the CELPIP exam.

If that's something that's important for you, but yeah, if this is your first time, you are so welcome here. I'm glad that you stopped by. And for those of you who keep coming back week after week, thank you so much for being here too. I really appreciate you. I'm glad that you are here. You make this show possible because you keep coming back and you keep listening.

And I, I so appreciate you for coming back. I appreciate the new ones and the ones who keeps coming back. I appreciate you both and I'm glad you're both here. I'm giving you a virtual high five. Thanks for coming. Stop, sit down, relax, and enjoy today's episode. If you can, if you're driving, you know, concentrate on the road.

Please don't, you know, sit back and relax. You know what you need to do.

You know, going back to that introduction, I know that you know what this student is going through, don't you? You want to be doing so much better with your English skills, specifically your speaking skills, and you want a higher score on the CELPIP exam, but there seems to be this unseen barrier pulling you back, or holding you back, or keeping it, you know, just You can see what you want to accomplish, but it just feels like you're not able to reach it.

It's a little bit out of reach. I know what this feeling feels like. I experienced it many times, many times. Especially when I was trying to learn Spanish. If you're just joining us, I used to live in Mexico City. I lived there. for 16 years, and I, over those 16 years became, became fluent in Spanish, but it was hard for me.

It was hard. I am not good at learning new languages. So I know exactly what that feels like to want to be making progress, to be knowing that it's somehow just beyond my reach, I can see other people around me using the language that I so desperately need and want to use, but I somehow feel like I can't cross that distance.

I wanted to, I remember wanting to be able to engage with everyone around me at work or at a party or at a social gathering. And you know, sometimes I did, sometimes I was able to, but honestly, man, many times I found myself just being quiet, and I failed to engage with people on a regular basis and it got to the point of me, you know, actually avoiding going to social gatherings.

Like I can remember, uh, coming home with my wife, we're driving on the way home, knowing that that evening we're going to have like a dinner or a special gathering with extended family because in Mexico, many of the families are big and they love to get together. And there'd be times where I would be totally down for that.

And I'd be like into it. And then there are other times that I can remember. I'm thinking of one time in particular where I knew that that was going to be happening later that evening. I just wasn't feeling, I don't know, bold or brave or just, I was just feeling like I didn't want to do it. To interact. I didn't want to use my Spanish.

I just wanted to kind of sit at home and relax. And, and so I, I said to my wife, you know, I'm not feeling well, I have a headache, I would rather not go. And so I stayed at home while she went and had a great time with her family. You know, sometimes that's a good thing to do. Sometimes it's good to just sit back and relax and enjoy some downtime, but not in the way I was doing it.

I was using those excuses as a way to avoid using my Spanish, to avoid putting myself out there, having to use a language that I was still trying to learn. I was isolating myself.

And you know something? That's what's going to be happening to you if you fail to address the problem that we're talking about today. You're going to be isolating. Even worse, if you do this, if you fail to engage, if you fail or decide not to. Maybe that's a better, a better way to phrase it. If you decide not to use your English because you don't feel it's good enough, and you'd rather just, you know, stay low, Not take those risks.

We've talked about this before. If you've been listening to this, uh, to this podcast, any length of time, you know, Pretty much what I'm about to say next. If you, if you don't take these risks and put yourself out there, your English is not going to grow and develop. And if it does, it's just going to be way slower.

And in thinking about the CELPIP exam, That's an important exam for you. You need it for your immigration process. Don't you? It's part of the, the, your journey of trying to immigrate to Canada. So this is no small thing that we're talking about. And yet. That desire to isolate and to not use the English that you have, even if it's a little bit, that following that idea or that way of thought and just choosing to stay back and not take the risks that you need to take and use English, that mindset is going to keep you with low scores on the speaking section of the CELPIP exam.

That, I guarantee you, but here's the thing. If you want. This situation, the change. You need to move just beyond wanting it to. I wanted to learn to use Spanish fearlessly. And I bet you want to use English fearlessly, which is why you're listening to this podcast. I bet in order to make that happen, you need to move beyond wanting it to.

And you need to begin doing things to make it happen. And I know, I know that, you know, that we all kind of know that, you know, if I want something to happen, I need to act. I need to do something about it. But it's so funny how there are areas in our lives, in my life where I know where we know we want something to change.

We might even know what we need to be doing to create those changes in our life. But for some weird and strange reason, we don't actually take the steps we need to take. This happens to me in so many places in my life. I get what that feels like. I bet you know what I'm talking about too, don't you? If you struggle with speaking skills in general, and as well as on the CELPIP exam, I bet I know what one of the big reasons for that struggle.

I bet I know why. There is that struggle. You are isolating and not taking advantage of the opportunities around you to use the English you have. You're falling prey to the thing that I struggled with, too, of just wanting to keep it simple, to avoid the mistakes, to avoid having people look at you funny when you say the word wrongly or incorrectly.

You just want to keep it simple. And so it's better to not say anything at all. Am I right? Is that something that goes through your head? If you know what you need to do to create forward motion and progress with your English, but you're not taking those steps. Can I just challenge you to take a moment to think about why?

Seriously, take a few minutes as you're driving home today, or on your way to work, or as you're out for a walk, or whenever you have a spare moment, to yourself, to think, and ask yourself, Hey, Hey, Aaron, in my case, I don't know if, do you ever talk to yourself? I, I talk to myself all the time. Please don't think I'm weird, but I do, I do talk to myself.

Do you talk to yourself? If you do have this little conversation with yourself, will you say, Hey, why aren't I doing what I know I need to be doing to make progress? What's holding me back? And then start listening. What are the answers that start coming out as a result of that question? I think asking ourselves those questions can be very informative and very helpful in order for us to start seeing what is standing in the way.

Because when we see what we're, what is blocking us and what is standing in the way, we can start taking action to begin removing it. So here's what I'm betting is part of your answer. It's been part of my answer on many occasions. The number one answer. is fear. I feel afraid to talk to people in English.

And that's true, by the way, even in English, I still feel afraid sometimes to talk to people. And English is my first language. And the level of difficulty only goes up when you are starting to use a different language that's not your first language. In our case, English. I feel afraid when I need to use English.

That would be your answer. Now, if I were suddenly transported back to Mexico, I would be replacing that answer with, I feel afraid to use Spanish. And there'll be times when I wouldn't care. I wouldn't have any fear of using my Spanish at all, but there would be situations. I just know it because I know This guy, I know me, that there would be times where I would feel shy, where I would feel like I don't know if I want to take that risk in front of all these people that I probably don't know that well, or I don't know at all, I would just rather be quiet and let my lovely wife who is you.

much more extroverted and way better at social situations than I am handle all the talking and I'll just smile and sit next to her or stay next to her and let her do most of the work. Do any of you do that? If you have a significant other who maybe is more outgoing than you, do you ever let them do most of the social work?

I kind of do. I'm, I'm sharing some confessions with you that I did not script, but, uh, that's me. That's how I hide a lot. I hide behind my lovely wife and she gets to do most of the talking. But you know, that's, that doesn't work. If you're trying to develop your fluency skills in English, or in my case, in Spanish, that just doesn't work.

So the number one fear. is the number one fear. No, no. The number one obstacle is fear. Yes. I feel afraid of failing. That's another big one. I feel afraid of looking foolish around the people in my life. So that's all kind of lumped in to that big topic of fear, fear, of talking to people, fear of failing, fear of feeling like a fool in front of the people in my life.

Number two, I don't want to look bad or sound bad. And I couldn't decide if that's also, you know, a buddy of point number one. I think they're kind of best friends, aren't they? That sounds a lawful lot like a fear just kind of dressed up in a different way. But I don't want to look bad or sound bad. Cause you know, I still make mistakes like thinking about Spanish.

I make like pronunciation mistakes. In fact, today, just today, we went grocery shopping and we were in Costco together, and we decided that we'd sit down and have a little bit of a lunch in the lovely and incredibly busy Costco cafeteria because, hey, where else can you get such a cheap lunch, right? So we sat down over some hot dogs and a slice of pizza, and we were just talking, my wife and I, and our youngest son.

And at the table next to us, we noticed that there was a Spanish speaking family. And my wife and I just kind of started talking about, in English, we were talking about how interesting it is that over the, you know, eight or nine years that we have been living here, we have noticed that An increase in the number of Spanish speakers, like people moving to Canada or visiting, we just seem to hear more and more Spanish happening around us.

And as we were talking, we kind of switched over to Spanish and we were talking together and I can't even remember what, Oh yeah, I wanted to tell her that I would, I would, I was saying that I would die if this or that thing happened. I was talking about like die from embarrassment, you know, and I was trying to say it in Spanish and I just couldn't pronounce the word properly.

I was mispronouncing it. And my wife was kindly correcting me and we were having a good time because I was really struggling with the pronunciation. I was getting it wrong every time. I just couldn't get my lips and my tongue and my mouth to form the right shape so that the word would come out the way she was so expertly pronouncing it.

So we were back and forth on it for a good minute or two until I got the word out right. That's the kind of looking foolish that I'm talking about. And I mean, I was in a safe space. It was just my wife and I talking, but if that was in like a social situation and a party or with, uh, people that I didn't know, and I was, you know, mispronouncing a word that would, that would be mortifying for me.

I would feel so ashamed and embarrassed of myself that I probably wouldn't want to try to use that word in front of so many people that I didn't know. So, yeah. That's, that's what the fear of looking bad or sounding bad is all about. But again, like I said before, this is fear. Number three, I suck at meeting people.

I suck at meeting people. That's, that's kind of one of my obstacles. I'm not good at meeting people. I'm an introvert. I'm not good at it. I'm not good at saying hello to people that I don't know strangers. No, I don't do it Well, I can do it. I need to do it like I've shared in other podcast episodes for my work I need to be doing this almost on a daily basis. But it's not easy if you see me talking to someone who I don't know I've said this before It's because I'm pushing myself to do it. And there will be times like when I know I'm about to meet someone, like if I'm going to knock on their door so that I can, you know, talk to them or welcome them to, to the, to the building where I work.

Or if I just want to say hello and ask how they're doing today, there are times where I have to mentally, psych myself up before I go to visit with them because I'm feeling nervous and I'm thinking to myself, "What if I make a mistake? What if I say the wrong thing? What if they don't want to talk to me?"

What if that gets awkward and all these little gremlins going around in my head? So often, I just need to breathe, psych myself up, and then force myself to go through with the conversation. But yeah, that's me in many, many, many situations when I'm meeting someone or talking with someone that I don't know that well.

I'm not good at it, but I often let that be an obstacle to moving forward. The last one. Have you ever said yourself, said to yourself, and it might be true, I don't have anyone around me that I can talk to in English. I don't have anyone around me that I can talk to in English. That could be a problem.

However, it depends on where you live. It really does. If you're already living in Canada, my friend, my friend, my friend, that obstacle that you're creating there can be easily broken, easily broken. And today's challenge is going to help you to bust down that door and march through it with maybe fearful confidence.

But if you're living in an English speaking country already, you have already won half of the battle. You might be thinking to yourself, I don't know anybody in English. That's why I can't use the English that I have. But if you're living here in Canada already, You have access to a great big population of people who do speak English.

And I want to challenge you and help you today to begin making those connections.

Now, if you are not living in Canada yet, if you are still in the process of immigrating and where you live, it's not like a predominantly English speaking country, there still are things that you can be doing to be connecting with people who do use English. Like when we were living in Mexico, which is predominantly a Spanish speaking country.

And my wife and I actually were running an English, uh, an English training company to help companies train their employees to improve their English skills. Many of them were facing that situation of I don't know anybody that I can talk to. My family doesn't speak English. My friends don't speak English.

And one of the things that we were encouraging them to do is to create connections with other people in other, uh, groups who were learning English as well, inside of our, of our company. Cause we had multiple groups happening in the same. Uh, in the same with the same client is what I'm trying to say. And one of the things that we encouraged our students to do is to take breaks together.

Like when they go on their break, make an agreement with someone in another group that when they see each other in the break room, they're not gonna have a Spanish conversation. They're just going to challenge each other to start using the English that they had. And that is a way that you can do it too.

There are people around you probably, I bet. If you looked, you could find other people who are learning English and who are hungry, who are hungry for someone to talk to and practice with. Start looking for them. I bet you you'll find some. Alright, so, if one or all of these reasons that I said before resonate with you, like, I'm afraid to talk to people in English.

I feel afraid of failing. I feel afraid of looking foolish around the people in my life. I don't want to look bad or sound bad. I suck at meeting people and I don't have anyone around me that I can meet to use my English skills. If, if you resonate with any one or all of these, then I want us to sit down right now, here we are together and talk for a minute more, number one.

I want to repeat that I totally get what you're, where you're coming from. I really, really do. I often feel afraid when I need to meet someone for the first time. And I've shared that. in this episode. It's, it's my personality kind of shining through as an introvert. So I'm not here, I want to make sure that you know, that I'm not here with on some magical soapbox telling you what to do without actually knowing what it feels like to do what I'm asking you to do, because what I'm sharing with you is what I've forced myself to be doing.

All right. So I'm not just telling you to do something that I have no clue what it feels like. All right. All right. Number two, I want to challenge you to push and keep on pushing. I've learned the hard way that success, and I bet you've learned this too, but success favors those who don't give up. I'm going to say that again.

Success favors those who don't give up. Have you noticed that few are the ones who succeed on the very first attempt at something, at least at something that was important and that can take a long time to master. I don't know anyone who instantly became fluent in English and who had zero problems speaking fluently, speaking without fear, I don't know anybody.

Like that and I've been doing this for a long time I have not met one single person who did it just like that all the people that I've met and Helped as an English teacher all of them And I bet there's like hundreds of people that I've been able to help over the years all of them have failed And have made fools of themselves, have been terribly embarrassed, have said and mispronounced things way wrong in very public and very important situations.

All of them have experienced that. I have too. I have too. So, uh, I know for a fact that if you want to succeed at this, you have to keep pushing, no matter how long it takes. Because it often takes a long time to create success in something that is as big as learning to use a new language. And For many of us, if the CELPIP is your thing right now, it's on your radar, it's what you are working towards, it can take longer than you think to get ready for that exam.

Push and keep on pushing. And finally, the last thing that I would share with you today is to lean in to being uncomfortable. Become comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. Oh, that advice is hard to give, but it's one that I embrace as much as I can, and I don't like embracing it and doing it myself, but I do it.

Become comfortable with being uncomfortable. It's the only way to feel comfortable. to make this goal of speaking English fearlessly, of getting a higher score on the CELPIP exam. It's the only way to make it happen, my friend. It's if you lean into and purposefully, purposefully, purposefully? Did I get that right?

It's to purposefully put yourself into situations that make you feel uncomfortable. Yeah, if you're like me, That makes you cringe. I feel for you, man. I know exactly what that's like, but honestly, I'm telling you this as a friend, you need to do it. If you want your speaking skills to get better, get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

All right, so I've got some homework to leave with you. Or maybe, let's, let's reframe that.  I want to drop a mission on you. Will you accept it? Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is this. Commit to taking one English conversation risk this week. Just one. Here's what I challenge you to do. Number one, pick the person you will talk to.

Like, see them in your mind right now as you're driving, as you're walking, as you're listening to this podcast. Picture the person in your life who you will have a conversation with, or at least try to have an English conversation with. Pick that person. Number two, I want you, right now, where you are, after you have the name of that person in your head, do you have their name?

Do you have that name in your head? Do you see them? All right, good. Imagine, number two, imagine where you're going to try to meet with them. Be specific in your imagination. Picture where you want to connect with them. What room or what activity will you use?

And I also want to challenge you to picture what you're going to wear that day. Imagine it. Maybe you're going to pick out your favorite items of clothing that give you an extra boost of confidence. Like this shirt. I mean, if you're watching this, I have my favorite shirt on right now as I'm recording this podcast.

It's, it's the Central Perk shirt from Friends because Friends is my favorite TV show. I love that. That's that TV show. I have this awesome shirt. It's my favorite one. I feel very comfortable in it, which is why I'm wearing it as I'm talking to you. It just kind of boosts my confidence. It helps me feel, I don't know, a little bit like Chandler, I guess.

That's so weird. But anyway, it boosts my confidence. And maybe you have a favorite item of clothing that makes you feel just a little bit more comfortable, a little bit more confident. Imagine yourself wearing that. And actually, when you do connect with that person, wear that thing. Okay. Number three. This is the third thing that I want you to do.

I want you to tell someone that you trust that you're about to take this risk. So that they can keep you accountable. Alright? Tell someone that you're going to have this conversation, In English with someone and you want them to ask you about it after so that, you know, you have someone that's going to be pushing you forward to do this number four.

This is this is where this is where it gets real. Ask the person that you imagined in step one. Ask that person for a coffee or to go for a walk around the block or to work out with you or to have lunch together or to go to your work's break room together, but ask them, take that step and say, Hey, I'd like to do this with you.

Have a cup of coffee with me today. Would you? But do It. Step number five. Push yourself to talk. When you get into that space together, wherever it is, if you're walking, or if you're exercising together, or if you're just enjoying a coffee together, start off by just letting them know, Hey, I am going to try my very best to use only English with you today.

I'm, I'm working on improving my English skills. And then start asking questions, engage with that person, find out what, how they're doing today, what's new, if they have plans for the weekend, did they see a certain movie that you saw, whatever it is, try your best to engage your person in friendly conversation in English.

So that's your challenge for this week. Pick one person. Have fun. English conversation this week. Just one. If you feel up to doing more, do more. But let's start small. Let's start with something doable. One conversation in English this week.

Thank you for listening to today's episode. But before you go, have you subscribed to my weekly newsletter yet? And did I mention that it's free? Have you subscribed to my free weekly newsletter? Every week I take a deeper look at what we're talking about right here in the podcast, or I just go off on a topic that is related to the CELPIP exam or speaking English fearlessly or growing or developing your English skills.

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