How to prepare for the CELPIP when your confidence is broken

Last episode I talked about the connection between your self confidence and fluency in English.

They go and grow together.

But you know, I've been thinking carefully about that episode over the week because something I said bothered me.

Or maybe it was something that was left unsaid.

What if you tried using your English?

You put yourself out there and had a terribly negative experience instead of a positive one.

And that negative was so.

Well, negative that it felt like it buried you and your already small self confidence.

And thanks to that experience, all you want to do is make sure something like that never has the chance to happen again.

So you withdraw and decide to stay quiet.

Hi, I'm Aaron.

Welcome to the Speak English Fearlessly podcast.

This is the podcast where motivated English learners just like you learn how to speak English fearlessly and learn practical tips and strategies to conquer the CELPIP exam I've shared in a previous episode of my horrible public speaking debut in elementary school.

That day, I had to speak in front of nearly 100 classmates for just a few minutes, but it was the worst thing ever for me.

I was so scared and so nervous that my hands wouldn't stop shaking.

That experience was so embarrassing and negative that it shaped and sometimes continues to shape the way I speak in front of others.

While I do speak in front of small and large groups today for my work, I often have to push through a lot of anxiety to do it.

Of course, this wasn't the only negative experience I've had speaking with and or in front of others.

But nothing I've experienced can match that moment back in elementary school, feeling utterly embarrassed, desperate to hide, but with nowhere to go, all with a hundred eyes of my classmates boring through me.

Yes, my friend, I understand that kind of embarrassment and shame very well, and I can easily empathize with you if that's where you are right now.

And that's what bugged me from that last episode.

What I talked about there was a good speaking experience, like everything seemed to work out perfectly where you took that risk, used your English, and had a positive outcome.

But I know full well that that's not always how it turns out.

There's always a chance for an embarrassing vocabulary mistake, a grammar mishap, or simply freez in front of others.

So yes, a mistake and the discouraging feelings that often come with it can strike any time, no matter how experienced an English speaker you are.

So if that's you and you're feeling that awful, oh, I'm never going to do that again.

I've never felt like such a fool before in front of so many people.

If that's what you're feeling with you and your English, then these two gentle ideas are for you.

Number one, get what happened to you out.

Don't keep it bottled up inside.

Talk about what happened, what went wrong, and how you're feeling with someone that you trust or journal about it if you're all alone.

Or better yet, do both.

Here's why.

Have you ever seen Pixar's Inside out movie?

It teaches a valuable lesson and I'm not going to spoil what happens.

But if you're not familiar with the film, I suggest you try and watch it.

It's pretty good in it and I'm not going to spoil what happens.

But in the movie you're taken inside the inner emotional workings of a preteen girl.

In a sort of coming of age story, you get to meet her emotions like joy and anger and sadness.

Each of them are characters in the story and like I said, to not spoil anything.

Part of the lessons learned is the importance of each emotion and the role they play in helping you to be completely and wholly you.

Even the emotions we try to avoid, like sadness.

Properly expressed, sadness helps you recover from those difficult and sad experiences that we all have.

And you might not be feeling sad after your negative English experience, but the feeling you are struggling with, maybe shame or embarrassment, is a valid one and it needs to be expressed somehow, not ignored.

So try your best to share what you're feeling.

Talk to someone you trust, or maybe try journaling about it.

I think this strategy helps for two big reasons.

First, it brings the situation you experienced out of your thoughts, out of your head and into the open.

And usually just doing that helps you put what happened into perspective.

When left untalked about or unexamined, those thoughts and feelings of discouragement or failure have the power to keep at you, pulling you down and convincing you that they're actually true.

So talking and writing helps bring perspective.

I also think that it helps you to get encouraged, especially if you have the chance to talk with someone close to you.

Sometimes that's just what we need, someone to cheer us on and to help us to get back up again.

Talking about what happened instead of keeping it quiet or will help us connect with that person to get the support that we need.

So to sum up that first point, don't keep this bottled up inside.

Find a way to talk about what happened with someone that you trust, or if there's no one around that you feel like you can talk to, try writing about it.

In a journal.

Express what happened.

Express how you feel.

Express the fear that you feel of trying again.

Get it all out on paper or all out with a friend.

Doing that will help you to get the perspective that you need.

And hopefully it will help you to see that what happened doesn't define who you are.

It's just something that you experienced, a deep something.

Not something that is likely to be, you know, dismissed, but it's something that you can work through.

It's something that doesn't have to hold you back.

And like I was trying to say, if you take the time to put it down on paper or to talk it out with someone, it might help you to find a way to wrestle with it and move on When I was in grade seven or so long, rope skipping was one of the most popular games to play at recess.

I remember almost my entire class would line up to play.

My favorite thing to do was to be one of the ones swinging the rope.

Especially when we were starting to swing it faster and faster.

We'd get that rope moving so fast it would whistle through the air.

It was so much fun.

But what I remember the most is watching how especially the girls would somehow use their hands to time the rope so that they could run in and begin jumping without getting caught in the fast moving rope.

They would stand on the edge just a few inches from the spinning rope and begin to follow its quick motion with their hands.

Timing was everything.

The rope would whistle by them once, twice, and then they'd leap forward and begin jumping.

Like I said a second ago, timing is everything.

And that leads into the suggestion I'd like to give you to get you back into your English speaking game after an embarrassing mistake or fail.

Of course, you're naturally going to want to hide for a while and avoid another English conversation after feeling so embarrassed.

But I want to encourage you not to listen to that for too long.

Sure, a day or two of just taking it quiet might be helpful as you try to recover.

But don't give yourself too long.

Remember from our last episode, Confidence doesn't grow in isolation.

You need to get back out there and try again.

And here's a low, no risk way to help you get back on your feet again.

Just like the skipping example I shared, you need to time your entrance.

Here's how.

When you're feeling ready, try and join in that group of English speakers at break or lunchtime.

But don't try to contribute to the conversation.

Just be there.

Listen.

Laugh at the funny story.

Nod your head if you agree with an idea follow along with the conversation without the pressure of having to lead or even join in actively, even passively being there.

Passively engaging with what's happening is a safe micro step back into the using your English game because you're telling yourself this simple truth by being there.

I won't hide.

Remember, hiding is what that feeling of embarrassment or shame you feel about your English is going to try and convince you to do.

But don't let it.

The article I pointed to last week on Psychology Today talks briefly about this approach as well, and I quote Social confidence can be developed by practicing in social settings.

You can observe the structure and flow of any conversation before jumping in, and you can prepare questions or topics to discuss ahead of time.

But you don't even have to have questions ready at this point you're getting yourself back on your feet.

So unless you're up to it, don't worry about trying to come up with things to say or questions to ask beforehand.

Instead, just focus on putting yourself back in the game.

Your goal is simply to be there, still in the game, timing your entrance.

So that idea once again is that you focus on taking a safe, small step back by joining passively into the English conversations happening around you without the pressure of having to keep it going or even say anything.

If you don't want to engage passively smiling or laughing at something funny, nodding your head if you agree, things like that, that shows you're listening and following along even though you're not actively adding to the conversation yourself.

As you do this, you'll notice your confidence slowly, maybe very slowly at first, begin to build back up again, and maybe you'll even feel brave enough to join in one of those times.

And if you do feel brave enough to jump in again, go for it.

If that first suggestion is still too difficult, you could modify it to make it a little easier.

Try going into that group of English speakers with a buddy.

If you have an English speaking friend, try sticking with them for a bit and let them do a lot of the talking.

I do this often in big social situations where I don't know a lot of the people, but my wife does.

If I'm kind of feeling quiet or shy around a large group, I'll stick closer to my much more outgoing wife and let her do a lot of the initial talking while I participate passively, like in the idea I shared a moment ago, nodding when I agree, laughing at funny comments, things like that.

I'm there and not hiding.

I'm participating but not leading the conversation.

I and I've found that it doesn't usually take very long before I start to kind of warm up to the people around me and the conversation they're having and I feel comfortable enough to add my own idea or two to what is going on.

All because my wife, my buddy, warmed them up a little for me.

I bet you'll notice the same thing too if you join in with a buddy.

Do you need even more help?

Join the Celpip Success School One of my superpowers is helping people build their confidence so that they can speak English fearlessly.

I can help you build your self confidence too and get ready for the CELPIP exam.

Best of all, listeners to this podcast, that means you my friend, get a special discount.

Just go to celpipsuccess.com listener and join today.

The Celpip Success School has practical courses to help you build your listening, reading, writing and speaking skills for the exam.

All with unlimited one on one support with me so that you don't have to do this alone anymore.

So join today.

What are you waiting for?

Join the Celpip Success school [email protected] listener well my friend, thank you so much for listening to today's episode.

I hope that you found it encouraging and helpful as you work hard towards your CELPIP goals and towards speaking English fearlessly.

Please come back again next week for the next edition of the Speak English Fearlessly podcast.

Have a great week.

Bye Bye.